#fromamandasjournal

Whattttsss up people! How are we all feeling this fine, fabulous, COLD, February day!? I am so excited for this month because it’s one month closer to that glorious next season that just happens to be this girlies very favourite time of year. I ADORE spring and because this is my first spring since making my big move, I feel like there is just so much to look forward to and I can’t WAIT! So with the month of January officially behind us, I decided to set an intention moving forward and commit to giving myself just a bit more grace. Most of this message is for me but you never know, maybe you could use a bit of extra space in your heart for something much better than the scars of your past wounds too.

When I really think about the word grace, my face doesn’t seem to be something that I think of right away. I’ve never really thought of myself as “graceful”, in fact I think it would be fair to say the opposite. I can be loud, I speak my mind even though I know better sometimes, I love me some good profanity, my laugh is crazy, and I trip and fall, a lot (I’m currently on month 3 of a nasty ankle injury) lol. Like this chick is nooooo Aubrey Hepburn yo! So when I really started to hear this word more and more I started to change what I felt this word meant to me. To me, grace means learning how to be kind to myself and those around me. It means forgiving myself for all the things that I put my Mom through as a kid. It means politely saying no sometimes and not allowing myself to over react in others. It means having compassion. Grace to me now also means knowing and I mean, KNOWING when to walk away from a situation or circumstance that won’t serve me, and could very well put me in harms way. Grace to me when I really break it all down, means kindness and poise… and sometimes we are the ones who need it the most.

When you decide to take charge of your life and make some big changes, many things come up in your healing that will slap you in the face, over and over again. Learning how to give myself the grace I need to forgive myself and others has been an incredible gift, but that doesn’t mean it’s been easy and it is something I have to remind myself daily. They say we are the hardest on ourselves and I know we can all agree on that, but I think it’s time to dig deep and allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel and not feel so guilty and ashamed of it. Most of us have done things that we aren’t proud of in our pasts, and when we look back often times there’s a feeling of overwhelm and sometimes even shame that takes over us. I want to visit that place so that I can learn from it but I will not be hangin out there too long.. you feel me here? Learning how to accept our humanness and learn from everything we’ve done is what this is all about no? I’m not the same person I was even five years ago and either are you. I’ve got so much to say to my former self but even more to say to the future me. My wish for all of us on this journey of self love and care is that we show up and try to do our best everyday. Ya I know, we’re going to have days.. that’s life but, maybe on the days that are hard we can give ourselves the grace we need to get through that day, and let that BE okay. When I look back at some of the questionable times I’ve had in my life and really go there, those were some really hard times. I didn’t have the skills and knowledge that I do now… I felt alone on my insides and didn’t like to be by myself for long. Anxiety and depression would completely take over me. I was scared to feel what I needed to feel! I’ll take ownership of all the mistakes I’ve made in my life but the new me understands that I was hurting and lost. The new me also knows that all of those experiences made me who I am today, I just wish that I wasn’t so hard on that little girl because non of it was her fault.

I’ve spent what seems like a life time trying to make up for coming from where I did. Coming from a family who struggled to keep the lights on and have a running car. From the shame and understanding of mental illness that still largely effects both my Father and myself today. I am not ashamed anymore… exhausted ya, but the healthy adult I am today knows the difference. We’re all so quick to practice kindness to others but more often than not, we forget that kindness needs to start with ourselves.. and I call THAT grace.

Until next time, keep it real!

I’ll see you on the bright side,

Amanda xxoo



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